My Personal Story
of
My Family, Foster Care,  Adoption..

                 Why do bad things happen to kids?
 
Have you ever wondered why Foster Homes are needed?  Is it God's will that bad things happen to children?   I don't believe it is.  I've been there though, thru some pretty ugly events that have left deep scars, emotionally and physically.  Just as parents set rules for their children to protect them...not to deprive them, God too has set rules for His children. To protect them, not deprive them. When we, make decisions to do things, live lifestyles that are outside God's will for us, there are consequences for those decisions. Most children in foster care are there because of consequences for lifestyles their parents have chosen.


Memories and Hurts

     My brother and I were shifted from parent to parent and grandparents to grandparents. The memories of dishes being shattered in the mornings, glass
bleach bottles hurling across the room and our windows of our being beat out with billy clubs. We found ourselves living with "friends of the family"  Where were our parents then?  Who decided where we should live? Being separated from my biological family, living with friends of the family, being sexually abused and then into foster care did little for my self image.  I felt unloved, unwanted, bad, dirty, guilty. My only sibling and I were separated in our first foster Home.  How vivid the memories of crying myself to sleep at night, because no one cared. My poor stuffed, dilapidated lion that managed to survive the moves with me, was all I had that I could love, trust, talk to, cry on. Imagine seeing the other kids in the house receive hugs and kisses and you being told, "your lips are like sandpaper, no one would want to kiss you."


   Hope for the Hopeless
 
        At the age of 8 and all alone in this world, my caseworker informed me it was time to move again.  She made it very clear, that if this next family didn't keep me, I would be going to the Mayflower girls home and stay there until I was 16 or 18.  My thoughts?  Let's just go there now and be done with all of this. Why would this last family want me? No one else did. Besides, I didn't need them. I made a vow to myself to never call anyone mom or dad again.  Seems everyplace I went, I was expected to call the adults mom and dad.  Something was different though at this "last hope for a home"  It was only thru the unconditional love and security displayed by my adoptive parents that I learned a new lifestyle.  The anger and bitterness slowly melted away. Thru the same unconditional love, I was adopted into the family of God. I was able to give all the awful things of the past to Him. It was not my fault. I am not bad, dirty or unlovable. I was washed white as snow, and given a new lease on life!

                              
                                    AS FOR THE REST OF THE STORY:
      
        As a young adult, 22, I began my search to find the pieces of my past that haunted my memory.  It took just over 1 year to do so.  I've found &
met my biological mother and father, and my brother.  We have now had for 20+ years already a warm, friendly relationship. I have not and will not call
either of them mom or dad, for you see that title was only earned by the folks who adopted me.

               IF YOU WOULD BE INTERESTED IN HEARING
THE WHOLE  STORY AS WELL AS
THE REST OF THE STORY.......
It is now available on CD....."Tender Tears"
            

     Sandi Schantz, RN  has been speaking publicly at child abuse vigils, foster parent conferences, women's retreats and nursing in-services re:
child abuse, grief and loss experienced by foster children, grief and loss experienced by the loss of pregnancy and infant loss as well as sharing
her personal story of foster care and adoption.  Sandi and her husband Bob are foster parents, trying to make a difference for kids in the system.

        Also available is "Grief and Loss Experienced
by Foster Children" CD
      
        This recording was from the 2002 Indiana Foster Care and Adoption Association held in Indianapolis, IN.
  

             Mail check or money order to:
Helping Hands
P.O. Box 223
Lowell, IN 46356
Phone 219-696-4564

CD's are   $9.50 each
S&H          $1.50 each
Total         $11.00    (IN residents add 6% sales tax)
 
Please check which CD or CD's you'd like
 
________       Tender Tears    ($9.50)
________        Grief and Loss Experienced by Foster Children ($9.50)
 
 
Resources/helpful publications